Something Cultural

So, this evening, Kerri and I had Alex Mwilamwe and his wife over for dinner.  While at our house, we asked the usual "Get to know you" questions (how did the two of you meet, how long have you been married, etc...).  It was during this time that we also asked him to tell us how he proposed to Mrs. Mwilamwe.  For the next 15 minutes, we sat there and just listened.  We thought we would summarize his story for you so that you could see a part of the culture here that not many people get the opportunity to see.

Here in Zambia, when a man wants to marry a woman, he must speak with the woman's family.  But unlike in the States where the man asks for the father's permission, here in Zambia, he is entering into negotiations.  That's right, I said negotiations.  Alex, when he went to ask for his wife's hand in marriage took his cousin with him as an arbitrator.  When the two of them arrived, Alex kept quiet (as is the customary thing to do) while his cousin did the negotiations.  First, the father told them both that they wouldn't discuss anything until they had eaten a meal together.  So, they ate lunch.

After lunch, the father had his team of counselors come in for the negotiations.  You see, here in Zambia, the husband to be must pay a "bride price" to the family of the bride in order to have her hand in marriage.  The negotiations are over what price, usually in Cows, Chickens, Goats, etc... the man will pay for the bride--hence the term "bride price."  In Alex's case, the father wasn't even ready to discuss the bride price until Alex paid for the right to have the negotiations.  So, Alex gave his soon-to-be father-in-law money to buy a suit for himself and a chitenge for his wife.  After paying this, the negotiations began.

The first offer, by the bride's family, which was made only after a long prelude of compliments and displays of appreciation, was three cows.  After receiving this offer, Alex and his cousin went outside to discuss things and then came back in with a counter offer of 1 cow, which was also preceded by the same type of compliments.  At this point, the bride's family left the room to discuss it amongst themselves.  They came back in with a final offer of 2 cows, to which Alex happily agreed.  At this point, after both parties had accepted the terms, the family gave Alex his wife and they went home officially married!  A little different than in the States, huh?

I think Kerri walked away from this conversation wishing that I had worked that hard for her.  I came away glad that I didn't have to negotiate a bride price with her mother (who rightfully thinks that her daughter is the best daughter in the world :).  Trust me, it would have been WAY too high!